Hi Shannon. "Ad Hominem" is a term used a lot by philosophy students when talking about critical thinking and logic, including those who engage in professional-style debates. I forget sometimes that it's a kind of jargon, so here you go, straight from the horse's (my) mouth:
Ad Hominem
Literally, Latin for "to the man"; as opposed to "to the argument". An ad hominem argument is one in which the debater attacks the person's character, intelligence, family, or some aspect of the person, instead of peacefully refuting the opponent's points. This happens in elections all the time: the Republican party recently tried to depict Barack Obama as a secret muslim, in order to associate him with everything the fundamentalist right is belligerent against. Every "your mom" joke is an ad-hominem argument. And, more subtly, it's an ad hominem argument when a person responds to a point by coming up with reasons in that person's background or character to explain why he thinks that way; or, any tangent from the points to instead describe something about a person's character.
The controversy here in this thread recently was whether it is an ad hominem attack to make a logical point that is relevant to the discussion that may as a side-note lead to a conclusion about someone else's personhood. I never mentioned anything personal, but the controversy is whether the speaker is culpible for all the logical implications of what he says in addition to what he actually said.
Now, as for your questions, I'll try to respond with my amateur though logical eye: again, having your poem there wouldn't innately make it a prop, unless you're doing more than just reading off of it. It would be a problem only if you pointed at the page, or crumpled it up and threw it.
I think fanning yourself is alright, but only if it's evident that you're doing it because you're hot: that is to say, if you say a very sexual line, and then portray yourself as steamed up by fanning yourself, that's not alright. You see the difficulty? It's all about judgements about intent, except when the violation is blatant.