"I gotta work at it" for Vitamin F

[RCW]

A lot of times
I wake up
Hating people

Not just a select few
But everyone

There’s no special reason
Maybe it was the nightmares
Maybe it was the prostitute in the alley
Giving head
In the backseat of a minivan
While her pimp yelled at her to hurry up
Someone in a Volvo
Keeps driving ‘round the block

Maybe it was because
I keep waking up alone

Still I try to be happy
But I gotta work at it
I need to remind myself I’m lucky
To still be breathing

I don’t want to be dead
Because I’ve often hated God too
And I don’t want to meet him
And find out he’d got bad breath
Or only one testicle
I don’t want to find out
He didn’t pay his taxes
He cheated on his boyfriend
Or he makes dirty jokes
About handicapped people too

I don’t want to find out
God’s like the rest of us

Because then that means
He’s not going to solve our problems
It’s up to the rest of us
And all of my hate has been wasted

It was based on high expectations


Now I’ll have no one to hate
But myself
For not recognizing
The broken hearts and the still births
Are part of the attraction
The genocide and care bombs
Made us pay or way

It’s supposed to be messy
It’s supposed to be a lot of heartbreak
And painful misunderstandings
It’s supposed to be hurricanes and tornadoes
And we’re supposed to love it anyway

You can’t slice it up into sections
You can’t wrap life up in insecurity blankets
It’s has to be all snot and tears and laughter
Till we’re hurting
Otherwise it’s all empty and we’re only watching the parade

Still, I woke up this morning
Wishing
Everyone would stay the hell away