An open love letter to Kurbatoff the Scoundrel

[RC]

Kurbatoff can you hear me?
Kurbatoff I’m calling you out.
I’m on my knees and praying.
Kurbatoff I need your help

I’ve been acting like Satwan’s junior beaver. 
I have Bolivia in my skin cream.
Kurbatoff the spiders have convinced me
My ant farm is radioactive and I must curry my sights for war. 

Kurbatoff I’m no spice rack.  Kurbatoff share your bean dip.
The snout of disease is sucking on my nuts
like a thousand watt celestial vacuum. 
I’ve become a hand job where the Suzanne Rastafarians used to be.

Kurbatoff my teeth are bleeding.  Kurbatoff my lips are full of gout.
It’s time for acid formica.  It’s time for Revlon Abu Ghriab. 
It’s time for Guantana-Larry-Moe and Curly to water-board the prom queen
With her favourite cheeses

Kurbatoff I beseech you.  Kurbatoff I implore.
You are my magic insect.  You are my wand of courage.
Your e-bay erection auction is raising us enough money
For the kids to put on a show

Kurbatoff I am lonely in this prison. 
Kurbatoff I am furious with my exile
Place you pubic hair in my pillow. 
Take my raincoat to the cleaners.  My life is filthy as a cow.

Kurbatoff the moon resembles a Christian. 
What have you done with my heart
It’s as desperate as a toll booth, my soul is filled with dental floss
You wax sniffing oven.  You soap cramp discus. 
You smell like a Spanish guillotine.

Kurbatoff I need you.  Kurbatoff I desire.
I’m on my knees and praying.
My mouth is full of foam. 
Kurbatoff the world is golden and I’m drunk.